📈Golden Squeeze: Gold futures in New York hit record highs after the Trump adminstration unexpectedly imposed tariffs on Swiss gold bars. Traders had expected an exemption due to gold’s status as a financial asset, but the surprise move froze shipments and drove futures $100 above spot prices.

📈Your 401(k) Just Got Spicy: Trump signed an executive order allowing 401(k) plans to include assets like crypto, private equity, and real estate. BlackRock, which lobbied for change, plans to launch a fund with private equity and credit next year. Though, analysts expect adoption to be slow due to litigation risks.

📈Doing More W/ Less People: Palantir ( $PLTR ( ▼ 1.94% ) ) surged 21.2% this week after Q2 earnings topped Wall Street’s forecasts, posting a 48% increase in revenue to USD 1 billion. CEO Alex Karp touted an “efficient revolution”, aiming to grow revenue 10x while reducing headcount.

📈Lilly’s Pill Slims Patients, and Stocks!: Eli Lilly’s stock ( $LLY ( ▼ 2.11% ) ) tumbled over 14% after trial results for its new daily obesity pill fell short of expectations. Studies show patients w/o diabetes lost 12% of their body weight using their drug, below the 15% analysts had hoped.

🌎 Trump Urges Intel CEO to Resign: Trump demanded the resignation of Intel CEO Lip-Bu Tan, accusing him of past business ties to China from his Cadence Design Systems days and claiming they pose a US national security conflict.

🌎 Swiss Neutrality Meets 39% Tariff: Trump slapped a 39% tariff on Swiss imports, more than double the 15% tariff the US applies to EU. Switzerland, sending a sixth of exports to the US, now races to renegotiate and protect luxury and industrial sectors.

🌎 Pill Prices May Skyrocket: Trump warned pharmaceutical import tariffs could rise to 250% to encourage manufacturing relocation to the US. Drugmakers worldwide fear higher prices, supply disruptions, and are reassessing production plans.

🌎 Trump Plans to Shake Up the Federal Reserve: After Federal Reserve Governor Adriana Kugler’s surprise resignation, Trump has to decide whether to appoint a temporary challenger to Chair Jerome Powell or pick his future Fed chair, which both want big interest rate cuts.

👔Chips Ahoy!: Trump announced a 100% tariff on imported semiconductor chips, but companies building in the U.S. will be exempt. This marks a win for Apple which just pledged an additional $100 billion investment in its American operations.

👔BP Makes Biggest Oil Find in Decades: BP has discovered its largest oil and gas reserve since 1999 in Brazil’s Santos Basin. The “Bumerangue” site could be a major output hub that pivots the firm’s focus back towards fossil fuels, away from renewable energy.

👔AI Ticket Prices: Delta is using AI to set fare fees. Currently the bot sets 3% of U.S. ticket prices, though the airline aims for 20% by year-end. The system uses market data, not personal info, to adjust prices, and humans approve changes. Critics fear it could lead to price hikes based on personal circumstances.

👔Ride or Die: Tesla’s board is standing by Elon Musk’s $29 billion CEO pay package from 2018, which a Delware court has struck down twice. Now under appeal, the deal is for Musk, who the company says hasn’t received “meaningful pay” in 8 years.

🤪Adding Insult to Injury: Two years ago one sub attempting to visit the Titanic imploded and 5 billionaires died, now, investigators stated in a recent report that OceanGate’s safety procedures were critically flawed. Given the evidence, the CEO would likely be in court, if he wasn’t, well, dead.

🤪 Far Too Soon for Covid Jokes: Over 7,000 chikungunya cases have emerged in southern China since July. The mosquito-bourne virus is rarely deadly but causes fever and severe joint pain. Chinese authorities are fighting back: clearing stagnant water, releasing mosquito-eating fish and releasing “elephant mosquitoes”.

🤪 Illinois Likes Human Therapists: After recently enacting a law that bans the use of AI in mental health services, therapists in Illinois cannot use AI to make decisions or communicate with patients and if they do, they could be fined $10,000.

🤪 History Buffs 🤝 Indonesia: 1.5 million year old stone tools discovered in Indonesia have pushed back estimates of when humans reached the islands by almost 800,000 years, indicating that they were more capable of ocean-crossing than previously thought.