📈 It’s Not Just You Who’s Jobn’t: US jobs report dropped and new job openings fell to 22,000, 50,000 down from what was expected. Treasuries rallied (price up, yield down) as rate cuts now look even more likely for the U.S. As for down under, household consumption rose by 5% YoY, so no rate cuts for us probs.

📈Elliott Acquires $4 Bn of Pepsi: The multi-strategy activist hedgefund submitted proposals to PepsiCo’s board to boost the stock price by at least 50%. Click on the link above to see the presentation that undoubtedly took someone an ungodly amount of time to pull together.

📈AI Boom x BABA: Our favourite e-commerce, logistics, cloud computing and entertainment giant, Alibaba Group, saw stock prices rising by 15% after it reported TRIPLE digit increases in its AI division despite an ongoing turf war with JD.com and Meituan.

📈Goldman Goes Midas: In a recent report titled “Diversify Into Commodities, Especially Gold” GS analysts projected gold’s price to reach $5000/oz (up 41% from spot) by mid 2026. What needs to occur? Economic hell; the Fed losing its independence, inflation rising and the dollar losing world reserve status — investors will freak out.

🌎Pretty Please? 🥹: After a US federal court ruled Trump’s liberation day tariffs illegal the administration was quick to submit an appeal to the Supreme Court on Tuesday. Trump also asked the Supreme Court to let him fire the leader of the FTC (a Democrat).

🌎Indonesia Reaches Breaking Point: During protests in Indonesia’s capital a delivery driver was fatally run over by an armored police vehicle. This only served to fuel the anti-government sentiment in Jakarta as protestors battled against alleged corruption in the current administration.

🌎Family Photo Time: Former Victorian Premier, Dan Andrews was seen posing in a photo at Xi Jinping’s military parade that occurred earlier this week. Andrews was in the same photo as international pariahs, Putin, Kim Jong Un and the President of Iran.

🌎Hyundai “Metaplant” Mega Raid: When looking for four Hispanic workers in a Hyundai plant in Georgia, US, ICE agents found 475 individuals who had illegally crossed the border, entered through a visa waiver program that prohibited them from working, or had overstayed their visas.

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👔Bit Anticlimatic tbh: A judge found Google guilty of monopolizing internet searches last year. Prosecutors of the case pushed for the forced sale of Chrome. In Tuesday’s ruling, the judge didn’t force a Chrome sale but ordered Google to share search data and end exclusive search contracts with companies. Alphabet shares jumped 8.7% on the news.

👔Ketchup and Cheese File for Divorce: Almost a decade after Warren Buffett and Co. engineered a $45bn Kraft-Heinz merger, the company is splitting in two. One company will focus on sauces and spreads. The other will concentrate on grocery staples. The messy divorce follows years of falling sales and a 75% stock slump since merging.

👔Get Ready, America: Aldi, the only place you can get off-brand cola and a trombone at the same place is deep into plans of a massive U.S. expansion consisting of 225 stores this year. The new expansion would make it America’s third largest supermarket chain with 2600 stores. 

👔Trump-Backed Miners: American Bitcoin ($ABTC), partly backed by the Trump fam surged as much as 110% on its Nasdaq debut. With 2,443 BTC ($269M) on hand, ABTC is betting on a hybrid model of bitcoin mining and hoarding. The industry has thin margins but stockpiling BTC could cushion voltatile revenues from mining alone.

🤪Side-Hustlemaxxing: Anguilla, a tiny Carribbean territory, is cashing in on the AI industry by selling “.ai” domain at ~ $150 each with renewal fees of a similar amount every two years. Income is surprisingly stable as 90% of the domains get renewed. Edgy techbros brought the country $39M in revenue for 2024 (20% of gov. revenue, second to tourism).

🤪Adam Silver Hit Job?: Streameast, the world’s largest illegal sports streaming platform with 1.6B visits in the past year, has been shut down after a year-long investigation ending in a raid in Egypt.

🤪”BUY THE DIP”: Cathie Wood’s Ark Invest scooped up over 100,000 shares of Figma after its stock plunged nearly 20% from post-IPO hangover and weak Q2 earnings report. Figma briefly traded at over $120 a share at its height but closed at only $54.86 a share after Friday’s close.

🤪In a Rare Win For Diseases…: Florida officials announced plans to eliminate all vaccine requirements, inluding immunization requirments for public school attendance. If enacted, Florida would become the only state without such mandates.